How to resolve conflicts in relationships

Two individuals unite to forge a relationship; having different opinions, thoughts, values, and perspectives is natural. However, disagreements over opinions sometimes take the guise of fights and conflicts which is okay, but what becomes absolutely important is to resolve these conflicts and come to a mutual conclusion. 

Failing to do so can wound the bond emotionally and prove fatal for the partnership in the long run. In this article, we will explore relationship conflicts, their causes, and doable methods to resolve them and prevent them from jeopardizing your relationship.

What are relationship conflicts?

Conflicts in relationships usually result from disagreements between two or more people, primarily due to personality clashes or misunderstandings. However, conflicts are not always unhealthy and can often foster personal growth, deeper understanding, and enhanced communication.

According to psychologist Russell Grieger, disagreements usually lead to four potential outcomes:

1. The outcome favors the first person, not the second.

2. The outcome favors the second person, not the first.

3. The outcome favors none.

4. The outcome favors both.

Undoubtedly, the fourth outcome is the most favorable and preferred to ensure healthy conflict resolution and prevent endangering the bond. 

But what commonly causes relationship conflicts? Let’s dig in and find out with some examples.

Causes of relationship conflicts

1. Unmet Expectations

It's natural to have certain expectations from your partner in a relationship. However, at times when these expectations are not met and your partner is unable to give you what you desire can cause resentment and disappointment towards them. Nevertheless, in situations like this, there's a need to communicate your needs clearly and confront your partner about your unmet expectations.

For example:

It has been a while since you and your partner went on a dinner date. You've also been telling them about this new place you discovered and had been wanting to try it out. However, you expect your partner to ask you out while you avoid communicating your desire to visit the place. When your partner does not initiate plans, it leaves you upset and results in arguments about commitment and effort.

2. Communication Issues

Just as effective communication can almost resolve everything, miscommunication can deteriorate the situation. Misunderstandings often occur when partners fail to convey their thoughts, feelings, and ideas properly. 

If you communicate incorrectly by saying something triggering, yelling, or insensitive, it can cause conflict.

For example:

Your partner is always on their phone and this habit has gradually started bothering you. When you are telling them about your day you catch them checking or scrolling through their phones making you feel ignored and neglected. This will give room for resentment and could lead to fights.

3. Differing values

As already mentioned earlier, one of the most common causes of relationship conflict is a difference in values and opinions. Although having differing values is normal, not being able to find common ground can lead to confusion and conflicts.

For example:

You have always been close to your family and hometown and value stability. Meanwhile, your partner is extremely career-driven and wants to move to the city for job opportunities. You both find it difficult to let go of what you hold dear. This can result in some major conflicts about future plans and make the path look hazy.

4. External Stressors

Outside of our love lives, there are a lot of other things in our personal and professional lives that determine our behavior towards our partners. Life events, such as job loss or health issues, can put a strain on a relationship.

For example:

You recently lost your job and there's a lot of stress in the household. Your partner feels overwhelmed by the pressure and you frequently argue about budgeting and spending. Financial stress can put a strain on the relationship and cause frustration and anxiety.

5. Insecurity

Insecurity breeds jealousy and can cause so much damage. If your partner feels insecure and fears abandonment, their minds wander to places they shouldn't be and create issues that don't even exist. 

For example:

You and your partner are watching a movie together at home and they suddenly get a call. They stand up and go outside to take the call. This may trigger your insecurity and you may begin to doubt your partner’s intentions and think they're an infidel. Even before you realize you would've started feeling resentful towards them. This can cause severe conflicts and at its worst end the relationship.

Conflicts, however, are inevitable and are bound to happen at some point in the relationship but what actually determines the health of the bond is coming up with effective solutions to resolve them. Review these strategies to effectively resolve relationship conflicts.

Conflict Resolution Strategies

Relationship conflicts are not all bad. They are inevitable and at times can bring you and your partner closer. Just like any other part of the relationship, if handled properly it can help you grow mature and responsible eventually and strengthen your relationship.

However, if you feel you and your partner engage in frequent arguments and find it rather difficult to handle these situations, here are a few strategies you can review to settle conflicts that may occur:

1. Honest Communication

Initiating open and honest communication is fundamental in addressing concerns. Be straightforward while expressing your thoughts and feelings and encourage your partner to do the same without fearing judgement. Active listening is the key! Listen to your partner carefully and try to understand their point of view.  In case of unclarity ask questions for better understanding. Remember expressing your feelings should not turn into an argument.

2. Take breaks

If the situation becomes too intense, take breaks, calm down, and then return to the discussion. Reminiscing about your good memories with your partner in the meantime will give you a kickstart on what you have been striving towards as a couple and will motivate you to resolve the issue.

3. Focus on the issue, not the person

There's a need to separate the issue from the person. Avoid making personal attacks or character judgments towards your partner. Your complete focus should be on resolving the conflict. After all, it is not you vs. them, it's you vs. the issue.

4. Need for compromises

Compromise in relationships helps to keep the equilibrium that allows ‘give’ and ‘take’ from both partners and therefore, allows both to feel heard and valued. It represents the willingness to work together to reach a solution that is beneficial for both parties involved. It promotes the effects of sympathy on understanding and broadens the process of resolving issues. Establishing healthy boundaries between one another can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from escalating.

5. Learn to forgive

Holding grudges against one another will only worsen the situation. Forgive your partner on the grounds that you both will try to avoid such a problem from happening again in the future and move on.

6. Practice problem-solving skills

The foremost step is to identify the issue, its root cause, the severity of the problem, and how it affects your bond. Once you are familiar with the issue, there is a need to brainstorm and come up with solutions to fix it. Problem-solving skills further allow you to analyze the positives and negatives of the given solution and widen the horizon for choosing the best approach to work things out. Also, after the conflict is settled, the review of how and why the conflict arose helps to draw lessons from those situations and implement similar ones in the future.

7. Don't give up on each other

Have faith in each other that you can get over these obstacles and emerge even stronger. Don't be discouraged and fight for what you envisage as a couple. Look at the situation from the approach that conflicts are there to strengthen you and not break you.

Conclusion

Any relationship will inevitably run across conflicts. Every couple will have arguments, but how they manage these times may either strengthen their relationship or cause them to drift away. Addressing conflicts head-on, with empathy and openness, turns challenges into chances for growth. Whether the underlying causes of these conflicts are unmet expectations, poor communication, or outside pressures-one should be able to resolve them effectively. Practicing honest communication, empathy, compromise, and forgiveness can transform conflicts from destructive forces into building blocks for a stronger partnership.

One should keep in mind that resolving problems is not about proving a point or winning. It's about finding common ground and learning from one another. Dealing with problems from a perspective that puts the welfare of the partnership above personal pride promotes harmony. 

Conflicts ultimately neither have to be avoided nor feared. Couples who tackle conflicts with transparency, patience, and a shared dedication to development can turn challenges into chances for closer relationships. Recall that every argument offers an opportunity to confirm your dedication to one another and foster a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. Don't hold back from these times; rather, welcome them as steps toward a stronger, more loving relationship.