Exploring Commitment in Relationship

Dating someone new can be quite exciting. You get to go on dates frequently, text each other all day, buy each other gifts, spend your days thinking about them, and all of that.

However, as the initial excitement fades and things become more serious, we frequently find ourselves thinking about our future, the prospects of our current connection, and whether or not we are truly in a committed relationship. This article traverses various aspects of committed relationships, issues, and techniques to level up your commitment game.

First and foremost how do one define commitment? According to IGI Global, “ Commitment means a promise, to do or give something, to be loyal to someone or something, the attitude of someone who works or supports something. It is also a willingness, to give your time and energy to something that you believe.”  Commitment is a dedication to a person, goal, or belief. It involves making a firm decision to stick with something or someone, regardless of challenges or changes over time. Some people are committed to their jobs, some to their partners, and some to their principles and values. At the end of the day, it all comes down to committing to things and people we value and care about.

What is a commitment in a relationship?

In a relationship, commitment is akin to promising to stick by one another through thick and thin. It's like a contract between two people to remain loyal, supportive, and emotionally invested in your partner over the long term. It's like saying yes to a future together. It goes beyond initial attraction or temporary infatuation, involving a deeper decision to stay together and work through challenges to grow a lasting bond. A committed relationship is characterized by trust, dedication, and loyalty. Being committed often means setting aside personal desires or short-term conveniences to prioritize long-term goals in relationships.

However, the line between casual dating and commitment is rather hazy and thin and it may seem unclear to determine if you're in a committed relationship or not. Therefore, we’ll discuss some of the signs you should look out for.

Signs you're in a committed relationship

Every relationship is unique and everyone defines commitment differently. There are no hard and fast rules to define a relationship, however, these signs most likely will indicate that you’re on the path to a committed partnership:

1. You talk about your relationship goals and expectations

This means you are open and honest with each other and share your true feelings, expectations, and experiences. You trust each other and feel secure in your relationship with minimal to no fear or worry about betrayal.

2. You talk about the future together

Commitment is literally about saying yes to a future together and discussions about the future are among the top 5 on the to-do list. If you and your partner make future plans, both short-term like weekend plans, and long-term like career plans or preferences on having children, you are a step closer to nurturing a committed relationship. The foundation is laid on shared life goals, values, and possible challenges and how to work through them together.

3. You prioritize each other

You make each other a priority and actively include each other in your lives. You make time for each other, even amidst your busy schedules, and make adjustments to fit each other’s needs.

4. You make sacrifices for each other

You are willing to make sacrifices or compromises for each other's happiness and goodwill. These sacrifices feel natural and don't feel like a burden.

5. You practice consistency 

You both display a commitment to each other through consistency in your actions and not just words. You make it a priority to follow up with your promises, big or small to show that you're reliable.

6. Emotional and physical intimacy

There is a balance of emotional closeness and physical affection between you and your partner. You both are attuned to each other’s emotional needs and feel safe being vulnerable with each other.

A committed relationship doesn't have to be perfect, but it’s grounded in mutual dedication, trust, and the desire to grow and face life together. Knowing how to show up for one another in tough times as well as celebrations shows that you've given time to know each other and are ready to move forward together.

There are two sides of a coin. It's possible that your partner is not as dedicated to you and your relationship or your bond simply lacks commitment. Here are signs you should not ignore if you’re trying to judge whether your commitment game is strong or needs to level up.

Signs you're not in a committed relationship

A relationship becomes one-sided when one partner stops putting in effort and energy to make things work. Commitment in a relationship like this is like a house of cards, wobbly and fragile. Thus, look out for these five signs to crosscheck if your partner is only dating you casually and doesn’t want to commit:

1. They avoid labels 

They avoid defining the relationship or don't want to label it, even after dating for a significant amount of time. When the topic of commitment comes up, they dodge the conversation, change the subject, or say they’re “not ready.”

2. They make last-minute plans

They make plans with you at the last minute and seem to prioritize other people and activities over spending quality time with you. They rarely invite you to meet their friends and family or don't seem to make you a part of their social circles.

3. They give you mixed signals

Their behavior is often inconsistent and confusing-they might act affectionate one day and distant the next. You feel uncertain about your position in their life, give you mixed signals, and often leave you guessing about their intentions.

4. They don’t respect your boundaries or needs

They disregard your boundaries, emotional needs, or personal goals and show little regard for what makes you comfortable or happy.

They don’t show concern for your feelings or interests, making you feel undervalued and unappreciated.

5. They don't make you a priority

Their actions make it obvious that you’re low on their priority list while other commitments matter more to them. They make you feel like an option or convenience rather than a priority, and they don’t make time for you when needed.

A lack of commitment can feel emotionally draining and lead to constant uncertainty or insecurity. Relationships that are built on genuine commitment often involve effort, stability, and a sense of shared purpose—qualities that may be missing if your partner isn’t truly invested.

What are commitment issues?

Ever heard someone say, “ I'm not ready” when it comes to promising to commit? Well, this phenomenon is more common than you may think. Fear of commitment or commitment issues refer to difficulties or hesitations in fully committing to a relationship, career, or long-term goal. People with commitment issues often struggle with fear of emotional vulnerability, loss of freedom, or potential failure. In relationships, this may manifest as reluctance to define the relationship, avoidance of serious conversations, or feeling anxious when things get too close or stable.

Commitment issues can stem from past experiences, such as fear of being hurt or trust issues, and may also be tied to personal insecurities or an ongoing need for independence. 

However, remember commitment and love are not the same. You can be hopelessly in love with your partner and still face commitment issues. Let us dig deeper and look for signs of commitment issues in both you and your partner.

Signs of commitment issues in you 

It can be difficult to recognize signs of a problem in yourself as we do not really observe ourselves and often fail to notice our own red flags. Here are five signs that tell you may fear commitment:

1. You face difficulty in making plans for the future

You hesitate or resist to plan for the future, such as moving in together, marriage, or even making long-term career commitments.

2. Frequent breakups or ghosting

You end your relationship prematurely and repeatedly. You may also pull away without explanations when things start to get serious and avoid confrontation.

3. You question your relationship a lot 

Maybe you do worry about your future and love your partner a lot but still, there is doubt and you often ask yourself,

Do they really love me?

Is it going to work out?

Do I even want this?

4. You fear losing freedom

You worry that committing to someone will take away personal freedom, hobbies, or social activities.

5. You idealize a “perfect” partner

You have unrealistic expectations of the perfect partner and avoid commitment until you feel you’ve found someone who meets everything off your wish list, which may never happen.

Signs of commitment issues in a partner

When you and your partner have known each other for a long time and you want to take the next step and make things serious but your partner wants to keep things the way they are, you may wonder whether you’re on the same page or not. 

If you doubt your partner’s commitment here are five signs that will tell they fear commitment:

1. They run from conflict

When conflicts or serious discussions arise, they may avoid or shut down rather than engage in resolution, making it hard to address relationship issues.

2. They frequently talk about past relationships

They bring up ex-partners or past relationships often in conversations, possibly showing unresolved emotional attachments or fears that they carry into the current relationship.

3. They have commitment phobia

As the name suggests, they are afraid of commitments. They may make comments expressing fear or avoidance of commitment, such as saying things like "I’m not ready for a relationship" or "I don’t want to settle down."

4. They keep their emotional distance

 They may have trouble truly letting you into their emotional world and might keep you at arm's length, even if you’ve been together for a long time.

5. They don't respond to your texts and calls

When you've been with someone for a while you start to notice a pattern in their habits such as they do not reply past a particular time. It's expected from a partner to respond within a day unless they've informed you that they won’t be available. This can be a sign of emotional unavailability. 

How to build commitment in a relationship

Experiencing a lack of commitment in your relationship does not mean you're doomed. Commitment issues aren't always a problem. Everyone is different. Some people are happy being single, while others do not want to settle with one person. Some want to date different people without marriage while others want to commit to long-term relationships.

Yet if you're looking to strengthen commitment in your relationship, here are a few strategies to help you out:

1. Define commitment together

Commitment can mean different things to different people. Take time to discuss what commitment looks like for both of you. Does it indicate exclusivity, co-planning for the future, or just supporting one another? By jointly defining commitment, you're creating a clear road map for the future.

However, if you find it difficult to find common ground with your partner and feel unsatisfied due to their lack of commitment, there is likely a need for an honest conversation with your partner. Choose a comfortable setting and bring up the issue calmly. Tell them how you feel truly and your desire for more commitment. Adopt the first-person perspective and accept your feelings. Don't place the blame on your partner; instead, use "I" expressions. Say something like “ I feel uncertain about the future”  rather than saying “You never commit to anything.”

Commitment is not an overnight phenomenon. It requires a lot of time and effort from both sides. Patience is the key! Understand it is normal to have ups and downs but focusing on the progress you are making together will make you last.

2. Understanding each other’s perspectives

You and your partner are two distinct people with separate life experiences. When your partner understands and supports your take on a situation they are advancing respect and compassion towards you. It is crucial to listen to your partner's point of view regarding commitment. This behavior calls for deeper attachment and understanding.

But if your partner is reluctant to voice their opinions, try to understand that they can be reluctant for a variety of reasons, including personal problems, fear of being abandoned, or painful memories. Meeting them halfway can be achieved by navigating the circumstance more skillfully and understanding their perspective while assuring them of your support.

Once you have discussed your views on commitment, you can proceed with mustering some specific goals for your partnership. This can include planning date nights, discussing future Ambitions, or working on self-growth together. Having clear goals can provide direction and a sense of purpose to the relationship.

3. Sharing experiences

Every person who has ever associated with us in our lives has shared some or the other experience with us. Yet only a handful leave an impression on our minds.

 Similarly spending quality time with your partner and fostering shared experiences can deepen the connection. It could include traveling together, bringing a pet home, or even simple things like cooking together. Shared experiences can strengthen the bond and create lasting memories that reinforce commitment.

4. Seek professional aid

In cases where discussions about commitment lead to conflicts or you are struggling to make any progress, seeking the assistance of a relationship therapist might come in handy. A professional can provide you with tools to help you navigate your feelings and facilitate your bond.

Conclusion 

In conclusion, commitment in a relationship is not simply about the initial excitement or infatuation; it's about the deeper decision to stand by one another through the journey of life. True commitment involves a sense of loyalty, trust, and emotional investment that transcends fleeting moments or temporary convenience. It’s about actively choosing each other every day, regardless of the challenges that may arise. As we’ve explored, commitment is shown through actions like prioritizing each other’s happiness, discussing future goals, making sacrifices, and practicing consistency. It’s about mutual dedication to building a strong and lasting bond that both partners are willing to nurture over time.

Remember, commitment is not always a smooth and steady journey—it requires effort, vulnerability, and growth. It's okay to have doubts, but it’s also important to recognize when those doubts stem from personal fears or insecurities that can be worked through with trust and time. If you and your partner are committed to one another, you’ll find ways to grow together, overcome obstacles, and create a future full of shared experiences and meaningful moments.