Everything you need to know about being emotionally supportive

Emotional support is the linchpin of human relationships. Knowing how to console someone—a friend going through a difficult period, a family member coping with loss, or a partner negotiating stress—can make a big difference in both parties' emotional healing and emotional availability.  This article explores what emotional support means and provides practical steps to help you be there for your loved ones.

What is emotional support?

Emotional support refers to the act of showing comfort, care, and understanding to friends, family, and loved ones during difficult times and even in general. It involves being there for someone, listening to their feelings, and offering empathy and reassurance. Emotional support can help people feel less isolated, reduce stress, and improve overall mental well-being. But how do you comfort someone? Do you need to learn it? Are you born with this skill? What if you don't know what to say? Worry not—we are here to help you with the answer.

How to comfort someone?

While some people have the talent of being emotionally supportive, emotional support is a skill that does not come naturally to a lot of people. While comforting someone can be a delicate process it is important to show that you care. Here are some steps you can follow to provide comfort effectively:

1. Be present 

We are there for the people we care about. Being there for someone through thick and thin can mean so much to them and leave an impact much greater than anticipated. 

If you feel that someone is going through a hard time, you can try comforting them by asking questions like, “You seem upset lately. Is there something bothering you? Want to talk about it?”

 You can further reassure them by saying something like, “Don't worry, I'm here for you” or “I'm just one phone call away.”

Remember to treat them just how you would expect to be treated if you were in their place. And in some situations, just being there in silence can be comforting. You don’t always have to have the right words to say.

2. Listen actively

As much as your presence matters, so does your way of reacting and understanding their feelings. When your loved one is going through a tough time they might just need someone to listen to them. Give them your full attention. Let them talk about what they’re feeling without interrupting. Gestures such as nodding and “hmm” are great ways to express that you have been paying attention.

3. Validate their feelings

Acknowledge their emotions. For a lot of people letting their hearts out is a big deal of trust. You can say things like, “It’s okay to feel this way” or “I understand why you’re upset.” Validation helps them feel understood.

4. Offer physical comfort

If appropriate, a gentle touch like a hug or holding their hand can provide reassurance and warmth. According to www.healthline.com, hugging someone releases the hormone oxytocin which is linked with happiness and comfort. It might just be the thing they need.

5. Ask how you can help

 Offer your support by asking if there’s anything specific they need or if they’d like to talk about it more. This shows that you’re willing to help in whatever way they need.

6. Share positive memories

If someone you know has lost a loved one or got into a major fight with a close person, remind them of the good times they shared together. This can help lift their spirits.

What to do when you need to provide comfort to a loved one but they are across the screen and not right in front of your eyes? The situation might leave a lot of us baffled, but comforting a loved one through the screen might not be an impossible task after all.

How to comfort someone over text?

Sometimes we can't be physically present to comfort our loved ones, which can be overwhelming for both parties. It's already challenging to figure out what are the right words to say when your loved one is grieving and when to stay silent and it can only intensify when you're not physically present to comfort. Comforting someone via text can be challenging but also effective. Here are some ways to offer support and comfort through text messages:

1. Express empathy

Always start by letting them you're there for them and that you care.  Acknowledge their feelings. You can say something like, “I'm here for you” or “I understand it must be tough for you.”

2. It's okay not to respond

Reassure them it's not okay to reply to all the texts and they must not feel obliged to answer immediately. It's okay to take one’s time.

3. Don't assume 

Don't assume what they're going through. If they are comfortable sharing their thoughts, create a safe space for them and listen to everything they have to say.

4. Share positive affirmations

Randomly drop texts of positive affirmations such as “I'm thinking of you” or “I'm proud of you” and let them know you care about them.

It's a common phenomenon that often at times we end up doing something opposing our intentions. Similarly, there are times when we are trying to comfort someone but end up saying something to offend them. One might find themselves surrounded by a cloud of confusion as to what they did wrong and what they shouldn't have done. There's no need to stay confused forever. 

What not to do when comforting someone?

Imagine your girlfriend had a bad day and broke down in front of you, venting. You want to comfort her but find yourself confused about what to say and what to avoid. What if you said something to make things worse rather than make them better? 

It's rather common for people to struggle with choosing the right words to say while trying to handle a loved one in a tough situation and thus here are a few things you should avoid saying while comforting someone:

1. “Others have it worse”

You need to avoid saying “Others have it worse, be grateful” when a loved one is struggling. It's not a competition of who has it worse or better. You should never measure the gravity of someone's suffering and compare it with others as you will only end up making them feel invalidated and hesitant to ever open up again.

2. “Relax, it'll be fine”

Although this phrase looks comforting and genuine at first sight, it might not do the wonders we expect to a loved one and might come off as unsympathetic to their feelings. Nobody wants to be told how to feel, every feeling has its reasons and validation. If they could relax, they would. Telling them how to feel will not prove to be effective at all.

3. Over-involving yourself

Refrain from making everything about you. Saying stuff like “The same thing happened to me and it was even worse” or “Let me call your ex and make them apologize” can only worsen it for the person seeking solace and comfort. Nobody appreciates others over-involving themselves in their crisis.

4.  Gaslighting 

Gaslighting someone is a kind of emotional and psychological abuse that manipulates them into questioning their own reality, reasoning, or sanity. At times, you might not even realize you're gaslighting when they're already feeling their worst. Ever caught yourself saying things like, “I never said that, you're exaggerating”, “You're making things up”, “You're overreacting” or “Why are you making such a big deal out of it?” Well, that's how a gaslighter would sound.

Although gaslighting may not always have malicious intentions attached to it, regardless it can cause some serious damage to one's self-esteem and emotional well-being. 

Once you are familiar with the rules of comforting someone, reassurance comes into the picture and stands as a major player. Although comforting and reassuring might sound like the same thing, they're more likely intertwined with each other.

Role of reassurance in relationships

If emotional support is a flower, reassurance is one of its petals; it’s quite integral. When the relationship is new, we go all the way to express our love to our partners. However, over time it may become less frequent. It doesn't necessarily mean your feelings changed and might just mean you are too comfortable with your partner now but it can still cause some doubt, anxiety, and insecurity in your relationship. That's when reassurance is needed. Reassurance in relationships is the act of seeking validation and confirmation of your partner's feelings towards you and we all need it once in a while. 

A common phrase among couples is, “Do you still love me?” Well if your partner has ever asked you this question, they're just asking for reassurance. Here are some ways you can reassure your partner:

1. Compliment them

Express what attributes you appreciate about your partner whether it's personality, appearance, or habits, and reassure you still value them dearly. Say something like, “You're so beautiful” or “I'm so grateful for everything you do for me and our relationship.”

2. Spend quality time with them

Devote time to spend along with each other doing activities that cultivate emotional attachment. Whether it is a date night at your favorite restaurant, cooking that lasagna you saw on TV the other day, or watching your favorite childhood movie together, quality time allows significant reciprocity of thoughts and feelings and deepens emotional bonds.

3. Do small gestures

Even the smallest gestures can impact your partner greatly. Leave a love note or drop a text telling them how much you love them.

4. Plan future together

Discussing about future with your partner indicates that you truly care for them and are there to stay. It is quite effective in clearing off any doubt or anxiety they may have felt lately.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, we all want to be loved and appreciated for things we do and emotional support is a great tool to begin with. More than just a nice deed, emotional support is a necessary element of our relationships that builds trust, understanding, and close bonds. We can significantly influence the lives of those we love by being present, attentive listeners, validators of emotions, and sincere reassureers. Our attempts to show empathy and understanding can help someone overcome loneliness, lower stress, and encourage healing whether we are consoling them personally or via a screen.

You don't always need to have the ideal words to say, sometimes just being there is all that is needed.  Steer clear of traps like minimizing their emotions or over-involving yourself and instead concentrate on establishing a safe environment in which your loved ones feel heard and respected. Regular reassurance reminds our partners that they are loved, thereby strengthening links and helping them to overcome doubts in our relationships. Start today—reach out to someone who might need a listening ear or a consoling word—and change their life going forward.